Gardening Show

Susan: Hi. Welcome back to Susan’s Gardening Show. I’m Susan, and we’re ready to take our next caller. We have Mark from Seattle. Are you still there, Mark?

Mark: Uh. Yeah, but maybe not for long.

Susan: So, how can we help you today?

Mark: Okay. Uh, my wife is really into gardening, and about five years ago, she received a beautiful climbing rose bush . . . I think an Agatha Christie [That’s a nice one.] from her mother who has passed away. Anyway, the rose plant seems to be on its last leg.

Susan: Really? Normally, that rose is really quite hardy [I know.], and it’s very disease-resistant, too. [I know.]

Mark: Yeah. Well, this situation ISN’T normal. You see, about a week ago, I was doing some yard work, and I was using some weed killer [UH-oh.], yeah, to try to get rid of some terrible weeds and . . .

Susan: Did you spray the roses?

Mark: Uh, well, not exactly. I set the spray container down near the roses while I was trimming a bush, and the container must have gotten knocked over, and the weed killer soaked into the ground near the roses.

Susan: How much weed killer are you talking about?

Mark: Uh, about six or seven quarts (about six liters or 1.6 gallons), I think. [Oh, that’s a lot.] You know, I mean when you put . . .

Susan: And the roses? What do they look like now?

Mark: Oh, Dead, real dead. Dead as a doornail dead, but my wife hasn’t seen them yet.

Susan: Really? What have you done? Blindfolded her?

Mark: Well, I’ve kept her away from that side of the house where the roses are, but she is bound to see them at some point.

Susan: Yeah, yeah. You’ve got a problem.

Mark: I mean, is there anything I can do to revive them?

Susan: Not unless you’re a magician.

Mark: Well, can you recommend a quick-growing variety that can take its place?

Susan: Marc. I’m sorry. You’ve made a mistake . . . A big mistake.

Mark: . . . except that my wife warned me this could happen . . . Oh, man.

Susan: Oh, shoot. Listen. You made a blunder. A big mistake. A really big mistake. But unless your wife goes on vacation for a couple of years, you’re not going to be able to replace the roses that fast.

Mark: So, any recommendation? I mean, what do I do?

Susan: You need to talk to her.

Mark: Are you kidding? You don’t know my wife.

Susan: I’m sorry. Look. You’ve waited long enough. Don’t let the grass grow around your feet. Say something, but be sure to hide the garden shears before you do. Kneel down; ask for forgiveness now.

Mark: But that’s what I did when I killed her prized apple tree last year.

Susan: No way. Really?

Mark: Oh, man. Oh! She’s coming in from outside [Oh, no, oh no.].

Susan: One final word: Hide the weed killer. [But . . .] Thanks, Mark. That’s all the time we have for now. Let’s move on to the next caller.